I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
