I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
