also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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