I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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