I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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