I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
