Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
