just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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