She is in my trunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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