Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
