your thong is hanging out like whoa
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
