I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
