I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
