just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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