four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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