I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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