i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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