My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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