Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
