Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
