woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
