don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
