I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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