Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
