I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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