so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
