pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I did not marry a roomba.
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