in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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