remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
