I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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