My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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