so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
