Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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