whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
