Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
