Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
