I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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