After last night, I could never be a politician.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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