hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
