i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
