My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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