That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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