So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
