You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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