So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
