No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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