did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
