Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
