i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
