I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
