So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
