Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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