Nicole vs. Life
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
