took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
