He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
