you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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