i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
