C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
