I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
