I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
