what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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