Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
