I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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